You Know You're a Nurse IF...

• You believe every patient needs TLC: Thorazine, Lorazepam and Compazine.
• You would like to meet the inventor of the call light in a dark alley one night.
• You believe not all patients are annoying ~ some are unconscious.
• Your sense of humor seems to get more "warped" each year.
• You know the phone numbers of every late night food delivery place in town by heart.
• You can only tell time with a 24 hour clock
• Almost everything can seem humorous ... eventually.
• When asked, "What color is the patient's diarrhea?" you show them your shoes.
• Every time you walk, you make a rattling noise because of all the scissors and clamps in your pockets.
• You can tell the pharmacist more about the medicines he is dispensing you than he can.
• You carry "spare" meds in your pocket rather than wait for pharmacy to deliver.
• You're uncomfortable in clothes that don't have elastic or drawstring waistbands, because you spend most of your waking hours in scrubs.
• You refuse to watch ER because it's too much like the real thing and triggers "flash backs." (And because real-life ER's don't have anyone that looks like Dr. Carter!)
• You check the caller ID when the phone rings on your day off, in case it's someone from the hospital is trying to call to ask you to work.
• You've been telling stories in a restaurant and had someone at another table throw up.
• You notice that you use more four letter words now than before you became a nurse.
• Every time someone asks you for a pen, you can find at least three of them on you.
• You can intubate your friends at parties.
• You don't get excited about blood loss...unless it's your own.
• You live by the motto, "To be right is only half the battle, to convince the physician is more difficult."
• You've basted your Thanksgiving turkey with a Toomey syringe.
• You've told a confused patient your name was that of your coworker and to HOLLER if they need help.
• Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.
• Drinking iced tea from a clean urinal is completely normal.
• Your bladder can expand to the same size as a Winnebago's water tank.
• When checking the level of orientation of a patient, you aren't sure of the answers yourself. (What day is it again?)
• You find yourself checking out other customer's arm veins in grocery waiting lines. (Wow! I can get an 11g in that puppy!)
• You can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table during dinner, break, sitting up and not be embarrassed when you wake up. Or if you drooled.
• You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that they'll drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.
• When using a public restroom, you wash your hands with soap for a full minute and turn off the faucets with your elbows.
• Your favorite dream is the one where you leave a mess at a patient's bedside and tell a doctor to clean it up.
• Men assume you must be great in bed because of the 9 billion porn movies about nurses.
• Everyone, including complete strangers, tells you about each and every ache and pain they have.
• You want to put your foot through the TV screen every time you see a nurse on a soap opera doing nothing but talking on the phone and flirting with doctors.
• You can almost SEE the germs on doorknobs and telephones.
• You can watch the goriest movie and eat anything afterwards, even spagetti with lots of tomato sauce.
• You've sworn you're going to have "DNR" tattooed on your chest!