SNIGLETS FOR EMS

Beltsnarl -

Mishandling of an ambulance seat belt by a frantic relative accompanying a patient; typically results in a need for assistance with disentanglement.

Blurrections -

Unintelligible directions to a call (e.g. "hang a left where the old schoolhouse used to be")

Brady Brunch -

Medication (typically 0.5 mg atropine) administered in an attempt to increase a patient's heart rate.

Breathanol -

A gaseous, still-potent form of alcohol found wafting from the mouths of certain EMS frequent fliers.

'Clean Jerk' -

What you hope you get when you pick up a body that's been down for a long time.

Cloaking device -

A yet-to-be-invented gadget that renders an ambulance invisible to people who have nothing better to do than call 911 several times a day.

Code Surfing -

Riding the stretcher into the ER while performing CPR

Corpseekers -

Bystanders who maneuver and crane at the scene of a fatality, hoping to catch a glimpse of the recently deceased.

Dash trash -

Paperwork, Burger King wrappers and other assorted litter that accumulates on an ambulance dashboard.

Diesel Zone -

The area to the right rear of an ambulance in high idle at an emergency scene; marked by hot, toxic gases, the atmosphere is impenetrable to bystanders.

Docklings -

A whole bunch of baby interns or residents following the attending physician through the hospital corridors.

Ecnalubmauloid -

Any person who asks why "ambulance" is spelled backward on the front of your rig.

EMS Wedgie -

The condition of an EMS worker after being "helped" (with a firm grip on the belt accompanied by lifting action) while carrying a patient down a flight of stairs.

FACBP -

A Fellow of the American College of Bystander Physicians; can easily be identified at any emergency scene as he shouts orders (typically "hurry up!") at EMS personnel.

Flaffling -

Hand motion by drivers stopped at intersections; intended to "help" the responding ambulance through.

Gleek -

Any embarrassing siren noise, produced either unintentionally by the siren operator or intentionally by a "gleeky" partner.

Glovidue -

Stubborn white powder marks left on dark uniform pants or the steering wheel after surgical gloves are removed.

Golden Four Minutes -

The critical period prior to shift change when calls are most likely to come in.

Kevlodor -

The pungent aroma that wafts from body armor after several hours of continuous wear, particularly on a hot day.

Lightbar Squirt -

A momentary activation of emergency lights as a greeting to passing fire apparatus, police cars, and other ambulances.

Medimutes -

Patients whose relatives feel compelled to answer all questions for them.

Mediperks -

Imaginary rewards that frequent flier patients are working up to (e.g. a free toaster after their 20th ambulance ride).

Optic Analitis -

When your optic nerve is connected to your anus causing your outlook on life to look like shit!!

Positive Samsonite Sign -

Victim requests emergency response. On arrival, victim standing at the curb with suitcase packed.

Singer Technique -

Rapid and repeated plunging of the IV needle attempting to find a vein. Considered bush league.

Spazner -

Any frantic relative at the scene of an emergency who gets in the way and generally makes things worse.

Spooge -

Sticky residue, usually of organic origin; may be found on poorly cleaned backboards, laryngoscopes and other medical equipment, or on ambulance armrests.

Talboting -

The act of driving as slowly as possible to delay arrival at an unsafe scene or unsavory call.

Telexaggeration -

A situation in which dispatch information does not match actual patient condition (e.g. "leg amputation" turns out to be a skinned knee).

Tele-Medic -

a newsperson's general term; used to call every EMS person on a scene a "paramedic"

Two Dude Syndrome -

Victim beat up; generally reports minding own business when, "two dude's beat the shit out of me."

Wailmuffs -

Secret headgear worn by civilian drivers who don't want to be bothered by the ambulance behind them.

Yelpkins -

Children who hear sirens and run out to watch a passing emergency vehicle.

Yelpswerve -

A sudden, violent, evasive maneuver performed by a civilian driver who has just realized that an ambulance is behind them.

Airborne Ranger -