Things You DON'T Want to Hear During Surgery


        "Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy."

        "Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop."

        "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

        "Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!"

        "Wait a minute. If this is his spleen, then what's that?"

        "Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie."

        "Oh no! I just lost my Rolex."

        "Oops!"

        "Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?"

        "Damn, there go the lights again...."

        "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of them."

        "What do you mean you want a divorce?"

        "Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!"

        "Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off."

        "What's this doing here?"

        "I hate it when they're missing stuff in here."

        "That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!"

        "Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us."

        "Sterile, shcmeril. The floor's clean, right?"

        "OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature!"

        "Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?"

        "Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough."

        "FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!"

        "Darn! Page 147 of the manual is missing!"


          Top Ten Signs That This Case
          Has Been Going WAY Too Long. .           .

          10. You start making crank calls from the phone in the operating room.

          9. You figure out how to reprogram the new EKG monitor and have now set a new world record score for Pong.

          8. Using discarded glove wrappers and saline bottles, you have created a mixed media replica of the Eiffel Tower.

          7. You page the nursing supervisor to the OR STAT, and when she runs into the department, tell her you need her to get a hamburger and fries for each member of the scrub team *note--they REALLY hate it when you do that*

          6. You vow that you will smash the CD player with a traction weight if you have to listen to the surgeon's favorite CD one more time.

          5. You have a paper airplane war with anesthesia, using parts of the old chart.

          4. Suddenly, anesthesia's jokes are actually FUNNY.

          3. You turn the thermostat up to 80 degrees just to see if it will get the surgeon to operate any faster.

          2. You invent a new game called "specimen, specimen, who's got the specimen?"

          1. You come up with a humor list called "Top Ten Signs That This Case Has Been Going WAY Too Long. . . "

          Written by Lynn Milam Shadowcat-X@juno.com



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