- The single diagnostic criterion in "had seizure in a restaurant" is "Had he paid the bill yet ? "
- You don't eat while you drive to work because if you get in an accident you don't want to be a "missed cafe' coronary."
- You don't eat before driving to work because you want to be an "easy intubation" if you are in an accident.
- You think Medic-Alert® tags make fine birthday presents or should be issued at birth.
- You see people in the crowd with obvious signs of serious disease, and you quickly calculate if you could be recognized as an off-duty nurse.
- As above, but wish you had bought that CPR pocket mask you've been promising yourself.
- "Man down" translates to you as: Drunk if unwitnessed, Seizure if witnessed.
- Watching the TV news is like watching home video of all the E.D. and E.M.S. folks you know.
Is It Time for Retirement?
You May Have Too Much Experience As An Emergency Nurse If . . .
There comes a time in a Nurse's career when she says out loud what she's been saying to herself for years; I'M TOO OLD FOR THIS!! After 28 years, mostly in ER, I'm old and I'm tired, and I hurt. Mentally and physically. Don't get me wrong, I can still keep up, and I can even still DAZZLE on occasion, but the point is, I'm not sure I want to anymore. Some of us have more trouble than others admitting this. In the early 70's for example, I personally worked with one Nurse who had only 5 digits in her Social Security number, yet she simply refused to retire. I can assure you, it was not a pretty sight watching her go from Super Nurse to Stupor Nurse. I don't want that to happen to you, so I've set down a list of signs that give you roughly a 5 year warning before retirement. You know it's almost time to retire if ...
1. You refer to your colleagues as "The kids that I work with."
2. Your work shoes are older than the doctor on duty.
3. You have to cross your legs before you can laugh at something funny.
4. You have to stop and think. That's OK. You forget to start again. That's not.
5. You are exhausted after a code. Not good. You were the documentation nurse.
6. One day you say, "Really? Me too?!" to every patient you take care of.
7. You are not afraid to call the CEO by his first name. Or at home.
8. You hold the door open for patients who want to AMA rather than argue.
9. They find old equipment in the basement, and call you to tell them what it is.
10. You think Managed Care is the name of a Nursing Home chain.
Copyright: February 1996 Patricia G. Veitenthal
Background graphic source is unknown. (I added the hat and the word "Valium" and the "management greeting".) Original character and artwork by Matt Stone and Trey Parker.
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